Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Hillbilly Genres

One genre of hillbilly has become more widely known: thrillbilly. You know the fellas that put themselves in harms way for an adrenaline rush and an utter lack of respect for the remaining teeth in their mouths. Well, there are several other genres of hillbilly that are just important in the landscape of American experience. You should know them and like a hobbyist ornithologist, seek them out for their awe-inspiring plumage:

Pillbillies have a taste for self-medication and a stolen 'scrip for OxyContin (Hillbilly Heroin).
Drillbillies find themselves knee-deep in unread safety precautions on an oil rig.
Spillbillies find themselves on catastrophically busted oil rigs.
Chillbillies train all winter by ice fishing in their skivvies before shipping off to the Arctic.
Grillbillies make border runs for fireworks and reservation smokes and light them both off the Weber.
Frillbillies dress like gay pirates and are generally difficult to find because, like the albino alligator, they are often culled from the herd by their own.
Perhaps the rarest of them all exact revenge wearing a skin-tight yellow and black jumpsuit after being left for dead at their own wedding known best as ... wait for it... KillBillies.

Blam. I just molested y'alls funnybone.

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