Wednesday, March 31, 2010

3/31 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast

  1. Exegesis is only successful with social context, historical background, an active imagination, and a healthy dose of skepticism. Belief is not required.
  2. There are people in this world who are blind to challenges and only see opportunities.
  3. We would think much quicker and our information transmissions would be more dense if our language was based on smell. But how boring would Victorian novels be then? About the same. *Yawn*
  4. Mother Nature has racist tendencies. Albinism happens all through species of creatures but you never see any other colors represented equally.
  5. Chocolate tastes best when made with a little vanilla, but Vanilla Fudge is just weird.
  6. People playing "Heart and Soul" on the piano, poorly and repeatedly, might be the most insidious torture known to the hearing world.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Jubilee's First Poem

We don't know what precipitated it or how it came to be, but she decided to dramatically perform it without warning or fanfare. Here is is:

Little junebug,
Little junebug,
inside of life;
You're going to be a little mermaid
and be free forever.

On second telling it was:
Little junebug,
Little junebug,
inside of life;
You're going to be a little mermaid
and be free forever
in the kingdom.

3/30 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast

  1. We have had music for thousands of years, and music videos for decades, the next innovation in music will be heaven scented.
  2. No good can come from blue food neither from anything watermelon flavored.
  3. I believe a blade could be created by a master swordsmith, using the old methods,  such that it is one molecule thick at its finest and that this blade could split matter in twain.
  4. A meeting between the largest flea and the smallest dog would be disastrous if not fascinating.
  5. A young child's description of the world is pure creativity because they yet don't have the experience or the vocabulary to do it uncreatively.
  6. One day we will discover a drug that blocks all pain, both physical and emotional, but it will makes us inhuman.

Monday, March 29, 2010

3/29 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast

  1. As long as I ask myself what the last thing on my mind is then the last thing on my mind will be "the last thing on my mind."
  2. The Loch Ness Monster isn't a monster at all, he's just misunderstood.
  3. Memories are a combination of chemicals and electricity in the brain that one day will be replicated exactly. Until then memories have to be shared through the telling of stories.
  4. A mob is a living organism comprised of human beings, activated by pheromones, easily led by emotion, and with regards to intelligence it is far less than the sum of its parts.
  5. Blue is the average of all colors divided by preference. Pink is the sum of all colors filtered by a princess.
  6. The cause of an argument is easily determined by the objects thrown. Often that is simply "Proximity".

Saturday, March 27, 2010

3/27 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast

  1. A return to simpleness will never bring happiness.
  2. Evolution has a goal.
  3. I believe in invisible, not imaginary, friends.
  4. A man and his guitar is infinitely more powerful than either on their own.
  5. Only when the beauty of an object can be quantified exactly and described succinctly,can it then be extracted,  transferred, or duplicated. Until then it is just an approximation of beauty.
  6. Time is not only relative, it is arbitrary and sometimes vindictive.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Bestiary Edition - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast

I believe in the existence of each of these animals despite evidence to the contrary, or simple common sense.
  1. The Yuck Snail (Achatina Lingua Yucca) travels not by his slimy foot but along his drooling tongue, tasting every inch of where he's been.
  2. Montgolfier's Frog (Eleutherodactylus Legumen Volaticus) eats only beans so that it can inflate its throat and travel from bean field to bean field in the search for a mate. Their mating song is rather grotesque.
  3. The Lazy Skeeter (Anopheles Sofi Kartfla) is a Midwestern mosquito attracted specifically to the light frequencies emitted from televisions and the scent of cheese powder used to flavor a variety of corn based snacks. May also be attracted to the moisture in tears and the sounds of masturbation.
  4. Edward's Bat (Diaemus Joven Blanco) is a variety of vampire bat that perches in the farthest corners of caves, shunning all other bats, and emits a powerful pheromone. Despite showing no outwardly interest most female bats of any species and within range are helplessly attracted to it.
  5. Hobson's Mackerel (Zwangslage Patronus) is a brackish water fish that filters salt water through its gills and exhales freshwater. Although it is a potentially invaluable fish for this ability it also excretes a submicron bacterial toxin in the process which makes creatures sterile. It is unknown how the fish reproduces.
  6. Leftway Island (Laevus Levus Islandus) is a former archipelago microecosystem in which all the animals have evolved counter to their counterparts. All the dogs chase their tails counter-clockwise. All the monkeys are left-hand dominant. And the corkscrew penis of the pigs all twist clockwise.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

3/25 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast

  1. Confidence is wasted on the invincible.
  2. No superhero's secret identity would ever wear Crocs.
  3. There's Spanish gold hidden in the swamp.
  4. All the world's conflicts could be helped along with a burrito and an orgasm. Opposing forces need not share them, just partake.
  5. I'd have better luck swatting flies if I had a cow tail.
  6. It's not the science of the the movie "Somewhere in Time" that I find unbelievable because I find it sound. It is the love story that I cannot believe.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

3/24 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast

  1. All poisons, when moving from the liquid to a gaseous state, appear briefly as a skull made of smoke before dissipating.
  2. Happiness is a flavor only dogs can taste.
  3. I believe a fairy is born when a baby laughs for the first time, but I am afraid of what is made the first time the same child hits another.
  4. Although there is no solid evidence either way, I believe Toby deserved to be taken to the castle beyond the Goblin City and turned into a goblin.
  5. A world powered by steam would be cleaner but disastrous for the the hair dressing industries.
  6. There is a clown face that when painted makes a smile a frown and a frown a smile. But it is the tight lipped line of indifference that will make you weep with confusion.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

3/23- 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast

  1. Any person with which you currently have issues and with enough effort, time, attention, and TLC can be made to taste delicious when salt cured and smoked. Sorry, no vegetarian alternatives are available.
  2. Delicious garlic breadsticks never made anything worse.
  3. Pain is the true measure of being alive, taking risks, and learning to do things the wrong way first.
  4. One day we will control our cars with our minds which will make for a funny morning rush hour for people who put on make-up or shave on the way to work.
  5. A follicle is only the chance of a hair, not a promise.
  6. Like baby dragons, all kittens are cute but grow up to be evil creatures. It's just their nature.

Monday, March 22, 2010

I am the Schrödinger's cat of politics.

I am indeterminate, in a state of both for and against. I am both, though likely either not neither, until the instant of observation and decoherence. When I and the observer with the deadly apparatus and the box in which I sit converge into a single reality once the waveform has collapsed. We are entangled, the observer and I, until that moment when I am - we are - observed and then I shall be of one mind.

3/22- -6 impossible things I believed before breakfast

  1. There is a color that, while seemingly invisible, when experienced makes us hungry.
  2. Like the Lyre Bird which can approximate any sound it hears, there is a large mammal that can approximate anything it sees, but it only sees in black and white.
  3. Non-Newtonian fluids could be mixed with tattoo ink to make us bulletproof.
  4. Underneath the matted and knotted fur of any creature is something unbelievably soft, you just have to work to get at it.
  5. Reality isn't made just by you, it is a tapestry woven by society and if there wasn't the pulling tight of opposing fibers it would fall apart with fragility.
  6. God/The Great Maker/The Prime Mover must be feminine because boobs are the greatest creation in all of creation.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

3/20 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast

  1. Every round object, affixed to and slightly raised from a surface, that is generally fingertip sized is a button that activates or deactivates something... somewhere.
  2. Relatedly, every switch that does not apparently turn anything on or off does something terrible and unseen when you use it.
  3. A drawing is a rendering of what the eye sees; a song is a rendering of what the heart sees.
  4. It only takes 90 squares to make a circle.
  5. A redhead will be the architect of my demise.
  6. A cloaca would be easier.

Friday, March 19, 2010

3/19 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast - March 19

  1. There are parts of the body accessible only by touch that are otherwise unseeable and unknowable.
  2. Oatmeal is only properly served spread on warm buttered toast.
  3. The Sweet Hereafter doesn't smell sweet but instead savory. The infernal stinks of everlasting sweet.
  4. In the deepest parts of the oceans lives something smarter than us, but also hungrier.
  5. Kids cling to beloved toys as talismans against the dark because it works.
  6. The Professor could have gotten them off the island whenever he wanted.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

3/18 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast - March 18

  1. Just after drowning, my gills would emerge too late.
  2. I am a being comprised of organizations of smaller beings. Beings that uniquely exist in me, as me, making me a Supra-Organism.
  3. A mirror is a TV screen from another universe that someone is watching whereas a window is a slight chance of being seen by a passer-by in this universe. This is why I'll walk naked by a window but not a mirror.
  4. I push moving cars with willpower and hand movements from inside my own vehicle.
  5. Sometimes my thoughts are not my own, but I have no idea whose they are.
  6. When we change the perception of hurt, anger will disappear.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

3/17 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast - March 17

  1. Only art evokes emotion without context.
  2. Somewhere in China, there is a version of me.
  3. Squirrels lay eggs.
  4. In my dreams I float, not fly, and if I were to wake up at the right time and in the right way, I would still.
  5. There is at least one piece of great art in everyone.
  6. I can't talk with a hippo but I can talk with a gorilla who can talk with a parrot who can invite a hippo for tea.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

3/16 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast - March 16

  1. In a world full of princes, a queen would be king.
  2. Through the hearts of the palms of my hands, I can collect steam heat.
  3. Under a tree, in the short grass, after sunset and as the moon rises, a gentle Summer breeze blows and I experience the curvature of the Earth.
  4. The next card will be the one I need.
  5. As my eyelids droop and just before the darkness, starting at the horizon the sky fills with crows.
  6. The greater our connection, despite proximity, the greater the chance that I know where your lost things are.

Monday, March 15, 2010

The 6(+1) Impossible Things I Believed Before Breakfast

1. Love is an invisible being that follows people around rewarding the Good and punishing the Bad, also sometimes punishing the Good.
2. I am the weaver of reality. Perhaps not my own but somewhere. My thoughts generate a Modal Reality.
3. Two things in close contact, over time, become part of each other - transferring consciousness and attributes to each other. A nerd and his computer, a messenger and his bike, a person and their pet.
4. Language organizes and creates thoughts instead of the other way around.
5. Gender is arbitrary and now irrelevant to reproduction.
6. I can slay the Jabberwock.
7. All living things emit an energy that one day we will harness to run our gadgets. I am so sick of batteries.