- The Yuck Snail (Achatina Lingua Yucca) travels not by his slimy foot but along his drooling tongue, tasting every inch of where he's been.
- Montgolfier's Frog (Eleutherodactylus Legumen Volaticus) eats only beans so that it can inflate its throat and travel from bean field to bean field in the search for a mate. Their mating song is rather grotesque.
- The Lazy Skeeter (Anopheles Sofi Kartfla) is a Midwestern mosquito attracted specifically to the light frequencies emitted from televisions and the scent of cheese powder used to flavor a variety of corn based snacks. May also be attracted to the moisture in tears and the sounds of masturbation.
- Edward's Bat (Diaemus Joven Blanco) is a variety of vampire bat that perches in the farthest corners of caves, shunning all other bats, and emits a powerful pheromone. Despite showing no outwardly interest most female bats of any species and within range are helplessly attracted to it.
- Hobson's Mackerel (Zwangslage Patronus) is a brackish water fish that filters salt water through its gills and exhales freshwater. Although it is a potentially invaluable fish for this ability it also excretes a submicron bacterial toxin in the process which makes creatures sterile. It is unknown how the fish reproduces.
- Leftway Island (Laevus Levus Islandus) is a former archipelago microecosystem in which all the animals have evolved counter to their counterparts. All the dogs chase their tails counter-clockwise. All the monkeys are left-hand dominant. And the corkscrew penis of the pigs all twist clockwise.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Bestiary Edition - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast
I believe in the existence of each of these animals despite evidence to the contrary, or simple common sense.