Thursday, April 22, 2010

4/22 - 6 impossible things I believed before breakfast

Thanks to my brother Scott, now I am consumed with impossible thoughts about Smurfs.
  1. Through a secret "extraction" process, a blue "ink" is harvested from the Smurfs that, when painted on one side of an inexpensive ceramic disk, can be used to build a fuel cell so efficient that it borders on free energy.
  2. If you place a Smurf in a pyramid with a box of dull razor blades overnight, they will sharpen.
  3. Only the purity of Smurfette can lure the last unicorn from hiding.
  4. An acolyte wishing to ascend to Revered, must endure the Smurf Agony, by ingesting Essence of Smurf also known as Aqua Smurfa and using their considerable talents to transmute the poison safely within the body and unlock their "Other Memory".
  5.  If you feed a Smurf after midnight it will become a Snork.
  6. Using a Chakra-tuned Smurf, I can amplify my Merkabah field a 1000th fold which enables me to contact the fifth dimension where the spirit world is and amplify my long distance Holographic Sound healing treatments a 1000th fold.
It should be noted that the notion of using Smurfs in a potion to make gold is absolutely laughable and an Old Wizards tale with no science or basis in truth.

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