Hearts, Heads, Hands, and Hooch

1. How many pioneers died on the trail to the promise of your heart?
2. I had a dream that I wore a medieval style male chastity belt to my 40th birthday party and there were a series of endurance events, mental trials, and object auctions to get the actual key to open it.
3. I need the Like button for everything in this online life. Let's start by installing one on the top of your head.
4. If we start calling all our problems "The Troubs" then they sound more like a nice sitcom family than soul crushing issues of life and death.
5. Looking at you makes me salivate (Is it the kind right before you throw up?)
6. I've got a can of sterno in my pants and it's burning for you.