Saturday, September 10, 2011

Clean up on aisles 6 and 9.

Whilst taking the kid for a cheap fast lunch at the local supermarket (you know the scary one with the terrible lighting but is super convenient, on the right side of the street, and is cheap?), I witnessed perhaps the coolest thing to happen in Woodstock. Maybe there is a secret underground, underbelly, undercurrent that I am simply unaware of, but I think this was special.
An absolutely knock-down, drag-out, stone-cold, gorgeous woman dressed to kill in a retro little black dress, real stockings with the line up the back, teetering on the highest of heels, with a big red flower in her hair is strutting through the store. With her is a tall, broad, shaved bald, obviously tattooed, and mildly imposing gentlemen. I can't figure out whether he is her boyfriend, client, or "handler."
The two of them make their way with a cart toward the back of the store where the bakery is. Jubilee and I make our way through the market in no particular hurry or any discernable pattern, often hitting the same aisle 3 times. I see them talking to various store employees until I notice that the cart begins to fill with, what appears to be day old cakes and cream pies. Once that is full (!) they get another cart and fill it with store brand milk and package flats of instant pudding - all flavors.
Jubilee, as charming to one as to all, is wowed by the cart full of deserts and the pretty lady gives her a smile. Jubilee runs off to rant about how we need supplied for some imaginary surprise party. By the time we get to the checkout line, the strange couple is behind us. They have added lawn sized garbage bags to their two carts of cakes, pies, and pudding fixins. 
It occurs to me that I have seen something about this before. These two aren't heading for any ordinary party; they are heading to a WAM (Wet and Messy) or  Splosh party.
And maybe it's not a party at all, but an event or a photo shoot or a private engagement. Whatever the destination, this pretty lady is gonna sit on stuff, get covered by things, and men will cheer and gnash their teeth. Oh my! Right here in Woodstock. I need to shop for dinner more often.

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