My thought bubbles for one day.

• I hate when you're at the stand-up and then you realize it's a sit down affair.
• If your husband thinks you have a great personality, I really don't want to meet him.
• In a world where language is communicated by smells, Taco Tuesday always ends in a fight.
• If internet spam is any indication, can there really be such a penis problem in the United States?
• I would really like to be more eco-friendly but I'm not paying $90 for a light bulb unless it is a Full-Release Light Bulb.
• I don't care if you hang it overhand or underhand but when you squish the TP roll so it doesn't turn? Next time you'll get the brownfinger.
• I really need a soundtrack and a laff-track for my life.