Monday, November 16, 2009

The Aftermath of a Bacon Holiday

So the bacon and cookie party went well. Everybody seemed to have fun and eat their fill of both. I have some concerns in its wake however:

1) I suspect that standing in front of the grill filled with smoking, sometimes burning, bacon for 3 hours may have given me a case of "Bacon Lung." I have been coughing up smoke rings flavored with maple and apple wood. Is that bad?

2) From the amount of bacon and the nitrites and other chemicals contained within that I ate, I may have damaged my genome. It is possible I may be up to 7% bacon (by volume). I have a genetic test being done but the lab tech fried and ate one of the blood samples with scrambled eggs. Not a good sign.

3) I've had a sudden urge to wallow and hang out with spiders that can weave messages in their web. Unfortunately the messages so far have not been so complimentary. Instead of "Some Pig" I get stuff like "Perv" and "Sicko".

I suppose I should be more concerned with these changes but I really have to find a napkin to wipe the mayo from my chin... this BLT is delish!

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