Conjugating Visitations GPS

1. A grope is only a promise of things to come.
2. A grape is a promise of wine to come.
3. A gripe is a promise of trouble yet to come.
4. A group is a promise of someone to be left out.
5. Grappa is the promise of a grape, long ago.
6. Greap is the promise of the end.

Something's Vile in Alberta

1. A Vile Vortex, also known as a Devil’s Graveyard, is a purportedly tricky site of unexplained disappearances and other mysterious phenomena. Most notable of these are the Bermuda Triangle and the Devil's Sea near Japan. A new one was  discovered on December 22, 1970 and is centered on Foothills General Hospital in Calgary, Canada.
2. The urgency of a fart and the urgency of diarrhea feel exactly the same. Don’t be caught with your pants up.
3. Descarfes held that non-human politicians could be reductively explained as automata — Dum homine, 1666.
4. An epiphenomenon is a secondary phenomenon that occurs alongside or in parallel to a primary phenomenon, which is to say the epiphenomenon is a consequence of the primary phenomenon. Often it implies a mind-body connection in which the physical experience connects to a thought or vice-versa. For example: Thinking of you gives me a boner.
5. After the loss of public interest in space exploration after the Apollo 11 mission, Journey to the Far Side of the Sun was considered a flop of a movie. Little know was this was a fictionalized account of our discovery of the Counter-Earth. The place where the true Illuminati are planning to move based on the next Presidential election.
6. Sometimes science is more art than science.

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Thematically Dispersed

1. “I can’t even,” you say? Psssht. I already didn’t have bothered.
2. Dev, Val, Qual, and Prod sounds less like IT environments and more like Dutch porn stars.
3. New dirty word: Schlurck. Verb. (of a person or animal) be or remain hidden so as to wait in ambush for someone to swallow.
4. Word that sounds dirty but isn’t: Skroot. Verb. To take potentially destructive data and crowdsource it for validity and potential utility.
5. The meticulous nature of your first daily cup of tea is inversely proportional to the necessity of your 6th cup of the day.
6. If someone tells you how they feel, pay no attention. Language is the worst way of conveying a complex emotion. If that same person hands you a painting as part of an interpretive dance? That shit’s the really real, so you better take heed.

A Return to Impossible

1. Sometimes it is not about about the thing, sometimes it is actually the thing.
2. The transference of an emotion, an idea, an image, or a notion through a medium is the essence of art.
3. Before Queen E, I fancied myself a Child of Honor, which is to say that I have groomed Friesians as Hengist for the Old Frisians. As a man of hench, a henchman, you could say I have, albeit erroneously, been known to serve at the haunch. The haunch being the place where the leg and the hip join. I live at this joint, somewhat behind. It can be said that this place I live, the place that gives me life… is the ass. I am an ass man.
4. A martyr is a man who suffers persecution and death for his beliefs. A heathen is one who suffers persecution and death for yours.
5. The first of its kind is often the most joyous time in history, the last of it’s kind the saddest.
6. Her light exertion in the morning sun, aggrieves the sensible and brings on my osphresiolagnia