Thursday, April 29, 2010

The Reality of "The List"

You've heard about The List and you've probably talked about the List, maybe even started making The List. It's that list that contains people that, if the opportunity arose, would be considered a "freebie" and not be an issue with your significant other. Meaning, if you get a chance to have sex with somebody on this list the woman in your life won't get mad. Right. Well, whenever it comes up in a movie, inevitably, a guy'll hear "Honey, who's on your list?" And with a typical male shrug it'll get dismissed. Later, he'll get the question again. And if he actually responds then this is the type of list that your wife or girlfriend or fiancee expects to get (In no particular order):
  1. Sofia Vergara
  2. Christina Hendricks
  3. Zooey Deschanel
  4. Dita Von Teese
  5. Selma Hayek
  6. Katy Perry
  7. Rihanna
  8. Monica Bellucci
  9. Ayesha Takia
  10. Shakira
  11. Nicole Scherzinger
  12. Kim Kardashian
  13. Drew Barrymore
The problem is that a guy's actual list looks more like this (In order of likelihood):
  1. Your Newly Divorced Friend that's a little too excited to be single again.
  2. The Career Barmaid from that sports bar we go for "The Wings"
  3. Your daughter's team's Soccer Moms (Any or as a whole)
  4. The Girl in the Taco Mascot Suit, the one out by the road on Saturdays.
  5. The RA from your son's dorm.
  6. The Gothy Rite-Aid Checkout Girl
  7. Your sister (not the younger one, the trashy older one)
  8. Receptionist at the Dentist Office.
  9. Channel 2 Traffic Reporter
  10. James Franco (C'mon who wouldn't have him on their list - he's dreeeeeeeeeeeamy)

*Note: No fantasies were harmed in the making of this post.

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